so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
