she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
