I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
