Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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