he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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