I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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