I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
