its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
