If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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