you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
