but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
