I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
