I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
His nipple licking is glorious
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