the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
