Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ladies don't puke and tell
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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