doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
