Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
