well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
