In the future we'll all be gay
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
