I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
