I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
