if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
