Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
