Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
