I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
ok first of all what the fuck
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
