guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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