Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
