she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
