Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm both gender and math confused
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
