After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
