Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
