My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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