I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
