I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
