"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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