I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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