I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
