i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
