I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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