I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
