This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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