seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
