i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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