I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
