the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
