just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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