Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
