I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
