It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
we're so committed to being not committed
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
