My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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