You're so nebulous sometimes
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
