Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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